Wow, where do I even begin? It’s been a while since I could muster up some sort of motiviation to talk about my life on a blog. A lot has happened, a ton has changed. I guess I couldn’t write this before because there was too much still un-answered. My calling hadn’t come yet. But I can gladly say the last 48 hours have brought astounding relief and positive energy. We might as well get started.
Wednesday night I was looking through the rest of the modules in my 2 year shamanism program, and I wasn’t feeling right about them. My body wasn’t responding.
I started thinking about how entities and negative energies just wasn’t something I was connecting to like I thought I would have.
I know that I can feel energy, but that’s mainly through my hands. I don’t feel objects that need to be cleaned or removed, I don’t see any of that. What I do feel is energy pouring through the top of my head and into/out of my hands and feet.
An incredible amount of energy.
The shamanism program has helped me take down the barriers that I needed in order to fully harness this massive amount of energy. It has helped me truly discover the depth and power of crystals. It has taught me a new way of life, a new way of thinking and seeing. But after realizing that the rest of the modules didn’t resonate with my future path, I began to think about things that truly make me happy.
I loved to dance when I was younger, it was such a creative and emotional release for me. A few years ago I found hula hooping, and it’s honestly one of the coolest forms of movement art I’ve seen and practiced. Such release.
However, you can’t always hula hoop, the world doesn’t run on high energy. It runs on peace and serenity. Like the rivers. The calm that saved me, that helped me look within myself rather than out. Yoga.
Restorative movement medicine.
It came so quickly to me in that moment that I quickly hopped onto Pinterest to look up information on yoga teacher training. There was a ton a great information at my finger tips; the pros and cons from people who’ve gone through the experience, the finances, the types of yoga and practitioners, places, etc.
I was hooked, again.
See, I haven’t committed much to my yoga practice in the last 5 months (damn you winter blues!) besides a “class” on my phone app every once in a while. I did a lot more meditations just because that’s all the motivation I could muster up during the cold months. After some research, I had the itching to get on my mat as soon as possible. I started doing a 30 minute class at night, and a 15 minute class in the morning.
I’ve been feeling great.
Thursday came along and I was doing more research on programs offered in tropical locations. Without hesitation, I knew this had to be a 3 or 4 week intensive training, in another country.
Why does it need to be a 3 or 4 week intensive and not a part-time study or staying where you live, you may ask?
Because it’s life changing that way.
It’s a retreat inside the soul, a change to finally rid myself of these negative medicines that I can’t seem to willingly remove from my own mind and bad habits. It’s my detox.
I also did my research on programs offered here where I live, and funny enough it’s nearly the same cost as it would be to be doing this program in another country. Except staying would mean I’m stuck in this place of routine and familiarity. How can I break free from old habits when I’m kept in an environment stimulated by them?
Later that evening, I was able to get together with 3 other women involved in the shamanism program to discuss my thoughts and get different opinions and perspectives.
One of the women said something that resonates with me.
“Some people are just gifted to be channels for energy.”
After further discussion on the topic of channels, I felt it was true. I simply feel like a channel for energy. I also realized that in my past healings when I was just offering reiki energy, I was often tired or even exhausted after a session.
I facilitated a healing session with one of the women named Kay. I’ve worked with her before during out practices in class and I just love her energy. My energy was all over the place and I felt extremely scattered, trying to find my notes in my binder and wondering wtf I was suppose to be doing. Then I thought well, f*ck it. I’m not in the program anymore so there is no reason for me to follow specific rules and techniques. Let’s just breathe, ground ourselves, and wing it.
Kay was excited.
The session went really well, I put up walls of energy around her and worked all along her body intuitively placing crystals all around. There was so much energy pulsing through my body and hands, like I’d never felt before. There were crystals everywhere, above the table on my client, under the table in grids to offer more healing and protection. I loved letting them amplify the energy so that I didn’t have to work as hard.
When the session was over, Kay said “Wow, I’ve been worked on by quite a few people and I’ve never experienced anything like that before. There is so much energy and heat coming out of your hands! I swear you were holding my feet and my head at the same time. Normally after session I’m so relaxed that I’d like to nap and reboot, but I just want to run around the block I have so much energy!”
It was such a beautiful experience being able to work completely intuitive and receive such wonderful feedback. I felt so happy and grateful to the universe for showing me I was thinking of the right things to do, the right path to take. On Friday, I had a long day at work, so I didn’t get to my yoga practice until later that evening. I haven’t kept up with it, so I’m straining to stretch into poses and hold positions properly. Just as any normal person would when starting to exercise. Lots of child pose goes down during my classes lol
While doing a forward fold, I felt an awful pull on my right hamstring. I didn’t want to pull out of the pose, it needed to be stretched out. But the pain felt like it could Charlie horse me at any moment.
“Offer it healing”
I placed my hand upon it and took a deep breath in and out. Within 5-10 seconds the burning pain was gone. I took another deep breath in and out, and somehow my body sunk even further into the pose. If the pain or discomfort arose in another area after healing one spot, I would shift my hands to that area and be relieved of pain within seconds, sinking deeper and deeper into the stretch.
I thought “Wow, why didn’t I think of this earlier? This could help so many people who want to practice yoga but are often stifled by the poses and the impact yoga truly has on an unhealthy mind and body.”
My thoughts were beaming with joy and excitement, I had to cut my yoga class short just to write down all my thoughts and my healing process. After writing for some time, I started looking up programs and practitioners by style and technique, and found a reiki master who has a very spiritual approach to yoga.
My body started to tingle, not with excitement but with response. There is no doubt in my mind that the saying “If you want something bad enough, you better be prepared to work hard for it” comes into play now.
I am going to make this happen. It’s going to happen. No matter how hard I need to work to get there in time, I’m ready to devote myself to something big.
Finally, we can cut to today. I was on my way to a girlfriends from my program whom I’ve become really good friends with. She lives about 45 minutes away and my phone GPS decided to take me on the back roads rather than the highway. I didn’t mind as I love to drive in the rain and new scenery is always nice. I was listening to music and thinking about my yoga practice and how I want to incorporate it into my life when I came to a huge opening of farmers fields. Many of them had flooded over with water from the river passing through.
As I got closer I saw a few cars pulled to the side of the road and looked to the right of the fields. There were thousands upon thousands of geese, most of them white, all flying together in a beautiful dance through the sky. They were making an infinity symbol, thousands of them flying in unity, around and back and forth. I pulled to the side of the road and stood up through my sunroof, recording a quick video so I can show others the beautiful sight.
After a few moments of taking in the beauty, I got back in my seat and started driving. I was thinking about how beautiful that was, and how the universe will always take me to surprising places in random ways. The universe has always communicated with me through birds. It knows that my biggest wish is to spread my wings and fly. Tears started to roll down my face as my heart swelled with gratitude.
“Thank you” I said out loud.
This was a sign that I was on the right path. What I was feeling inside was finally discovering my life purpose. I had to pull over onto the side of the road I was crying so hard, so many tears of gratitude and for finally, finally after all this struggle of wondering… I had found it. I saw it.
I felt it deep in my soul. I was already there in a sense. I could see myself in the future and the path there was full of so much love and light for everyone and everything.
It was so beautiful. So peaceful, so joyous. Even more releasing from my body.
Release the part of me that was scared to accept that this was deserved. Release the part of me that doubts that this is real. So much weight fell off my shoulders with every teardrop. I thanked the universe over and over, pressing my hands together and bowing my head.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.